Double Standard Dad

I know that in the 60’s a lot of changes took place. One of which was the liberation of women. And though we are just ten years away from the twenty-first century, there are still an awful lot of people with double standards. My dad was one.

He was a small man in size, and I remember him always saying that, because of this he always had to fight for what he wanted in life. He had only had a fourth grade education. His work was of hard labor. When it came to my six brothers, he made their lives just as difficult for them as his life was for him. Example:

One day brother Eddie received his very first paycheck from his very first job as a grown young man of sixteen. Eddie had planned to go out that evening—he was quite the ladies’ man. But my dad told him: “Eddie, when you go out tonight, don’t take your whole pay with you, son; leave most of it at home. You never know when someone will try to rob you.”

Now back many years ago, it was well known without question that what your parents told you was law; whether they were right or wrong.

Needless to say, Eddie went out and with his whole paycheck. When my dad got back home and found Eddie was gone with all his money, dad was some upset. But there were two things my dad had plenty of: patience and a good memory.

Well, Eddie didn’t come home for a few days. Which was not unusual for my brother. But did my dad forget about Eddie doing exactly what my dad had told him not to do? No way! Dad just waited til Eddie received his second paycheck and he told Eddie one more time. “Eddie, I don’t want you to take all of your money out with you tonight.” Of course, Eddie once again defied dad.

This time when Eddie left the house, my dad was not far behind him in his own car. My dad had a plan. He followed Eddie until it was dark enough and Eddie was finally alone. Then my dad jumped Eddie from behind, pushing him into a building wall, and in a disguised voice threatening to kill him if he turned around. Now Eddie being only sixteen years old, you can bet he was scared to death. Dad demanded all of Eddie’s money. Then he knocked Eddie out cold and came home and waited up for Eddie’s return.

When Eddie arrived, dad yelled: “Eddie, where the hell is your money? I know it’s not in your room, so where the fuck is it?” Eddie broke down and cried about how someone had rolled him and taken all of his money. My dad said he had done this so Eddie and the rest of my brothers would learn to listen to authority. Or grow to be strong enough to either: kick the shit out of anyone that tried to take what is theirs or tough enough to deal with whatever problems life dishes out.

Now when it came to us girls, I would say he was quite the opposite. He believed we needed to be protected. Which I think he overdid at times. Example:

Two weeks before I was to be married my dad finally allowed me to go to the drive-in movies with my fiancé and without a chaperone for the very first time in my life and I was just thrilled to death. Once we had found the right spot at the show we turned the car off and, of course, started to make out. We watched the first show, but, of course, made out a little more during the show. When intermission came on, I wanted something at the snack bar so I went. When I came out, what did I see?

My dad’s car two rows behind our car. I looked quickly toward our car and there was my dad holding my man by the throat, yelling: “You son-of-a-bitch! You’re trying to fuck my little girl before you even get married. Well, you’ll just have to go through me first, you asshole!” I could have died right then and there at the drive-in. But my dad believed that women are to be pampered and protected always. So you see: he showed the boys the hell in life, on the one hand, and, on the other hand, he protected the women in his life from the hell in this world.

I am truly sorry he is no longer with us today. Whether he was right or wrong in what he did, I loved him deeply.

Ruth Paradis

01/26/90